tapetou

a year ago, i couldn't even go back to a previously done illustration and rework it in any ways. a mix of frustration and the desire to do better on the next ones was probably the cause of such a discard. but today, because of Structura, and because of the fact there is a lot of materials left unfinished, i decided to give it a try. it was three weeks ago.
i did a big effort on myself in order to go back into time, into the stuff i was doing three or four years ago, and did another effort in order to consider it not that bad compared to my first impressions.

today i think i managed to go through this problem. i can look at older illustrations without denying it completely. i even took the pleasure to do several paintovers and had great fun.
this tapetou bot was probably done around 2003. hope you'll like the revamp.

on the health side, i cannot say that things have been going better. i have been hearing a new sound in my left ear since last monday, and i try not to think about the future too much, as living with such ringing in the ears is something nobody would be ready to endure or even understand unless for the ones having the same symptoms. tinnitus is crazy. it's like falling into a bad dream without waking up. the bad dream has been going on for five months now.

still. i can still smile, be happy, and create. things become more complex because of that sickness, but i must convince myself that i don't give a damn about it. besides, i've got a book to finish, and on this matter, things have been going more than well.

sparth

structura

here's the final cover for "structura". the book will be released by designstudiopress next year. already visible on amazon. i'd better hurry!

sparth

ecosystem with stripes

here's the new addition to the house. i decided a while ago to go back into aquariums, but with saltwater this time. here's our two clownfishes as well as several soft corals that are quite amazing, especially one of them, that looks like a tree with hands at the end of each branch. the hands open and close each three seconds. the live rocks are also fascinating, as a lot of things happens on them. you can even see worms and amazing algees growing on them in some areas.

monowin

an extract from a larger illustration untitled "monowin". as usual, the whole thing will be available in Structura next year. i am focusing on a whole section of the book dedicated to monoliths. a lot of fun.

hope you'll enjoy this piece.

s

cater (extract)

yesterday morning, my "dear" tinnitus came back without asking me any permission. pretty weird to feel this thing in my ear every time it comes back louder. it always happens during the night. i wake up in the morning, and bam, surprise, we're back!
still, they never really disappear. the sound is here 100% of the time, but during this last 8 days for exemple, it went so low that i could barely notice it.
i guess that it will take a few months before being able to do not care at all about these bugs. but who knows really. anyway. not preventing me from continuing my journey towards my dreams. thanks to isan for this one. isan's music is mental, the way i like it.

concerning the artwork, consider it as some sort of a rendez vous man/machine.
an extract of a larger piece from structura.

premium import (extract)

here's an extract of one of the illustrations that will be available in my book STRUCTURA.hope you're all having a good time in your lives.on my side, i am still learning to live with tinnitus, but it doesn't prevent me from creating. i might even say it gave me a boost. probably because once you get this sort of physical signal, it makes you realise there is a countdown for your time on earth.

sparth

vanarasi

a small environment that started as a test, and ended up as ... a full environment.
whenever i find a few minutes at home, i start working on my book Structura. a lot could be added already but i'm too much of a perfectionnist not to raise the amount of artworks available. there will be dozens of new pieces, even though the artworks will cover a longer period, probably from 2000 to 2006. more later.

odes and the thieves

an extract of a larger illustration planned for my book next year. pure space op, focused on the tones and tried once again to obtain a good balance between abstraction and design.

mira's island

an egyptian island done for mira. another person which helped me a lot in order to fight against my tinnitus. for the last week, it has been going much better. i can even consider myself being cured, in a certain way, even though the treatment is not finished. fingers crossed! i'll live each new day as they come, fully!

on a side note, i unfortunately had to close down the comments on my site sparth construct, as there were many spamming bots leaving adult links, which is of course unacceptable. i'll try to reopen it as soon as possible.

blue divide

even though it has nothing to do with the illustration i am about to post, i just wanted to state how much i love miyazaki's owl's moving castle. watched it a second time yesterday. I find some sort of an abstract poetry in his approach. a bit like if your subconscious level could be the only one understanding what is going on and how strong the links are between the characters and the plot. a superb movie.

back to the painting. it's just another "throw your mind on the canvas" type of illustration. done fast, nervously. done as an urge. the blue tones are a tribute to a painting done by masana. even though they aren't as rich as his tones.

ona battle field

an hour experiment, homeworld meets berkey.
a lot more to come. but damn, i can't seem to be able to release unfinished things. my standarts are getting higher and higher. i give myslef to many constraints.
anyway. i had fun. it's the only thing that counts.

dalmatian island

back to digital.
i have been going much better since last week. really having the feeling of going out of this crazy period of stress and tinnitus. i can now create with an intense pleasure, exactly like before this episodic ear ringing thing. i just hope it is going to last. fingers crossed.

here's an island done for a friend who helped me a lot during these moments. she has been having tinnitus herself for 18 years, and she has succeeded in keeping herself live and cheerful, even though there are still hard times for her. i admire her strengh and dedication, and wanted to give here this illustration as a tribute or a present.

it is her island. in which she can escape with her dalmatians. it does not remove the ringing in the ears, but if it can make her more relax, then i'll have the feeling of having partly succeeded.

more soon.
my wip folder is full.

sparth

two months later

there's been so much things happening since the beginning of my tinnitus. a lot of bad moments, but a lot of good moments too. i am going much better compared to july, but there are still days during which i wish my life could go backwards, the days during which silence meant something.
anyway.. the most important point is: i never stopped creating things even though i have been slowing down to take some rest. i'll post things soon.

take care you all
and once again, i will be forever grateful for all the help i have received because of that sickness.
thanks to all of you my friends.

sparth

tinnitus - i need answers

for the last four months, i had been struggling with an ear infection to the left ear that has been bugging my life and blocking my ear. but this is nothing compared to what happened 12 days ago, when i started feeling a very high tone buzzing sound in that same ear. that buz hasn't left me since that day, i hear it might and day, it never stops.
today i am trying to live with it, and it is so tuff i really hope i am going to overcome from it. you might see less artworks for the same reason.

doctors assured me that it was going to get away, as the two earing tests i did showed no ear loss. my audibility is very good. they assure me it comes from the infection, and have given me medicine in order to take care of it for good. i haven't had any ear traumas either, or vertigo.
but oh god. this is so hard. i am struggling as much as i can.

if you have had similar experiences, please, i'd be so interested to read them. i'm hoping with all my heart that this buzzing sound will disappear. depression is lurking.

nicolas